| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2007|05:09 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | oranges band - all that money (you'll get over it) | ] |
I really need to get started on my resume and cover letter for this promotion. but yet I can't seem to get into the mood to blow smoke up people's asses. couldn't tell you why, but i just can't.
i really do hate being stressed about the same five things over and over again. also i love internet radio. i really do.
off to watch four hous of anime. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2007|09:39 am] |
well, we finally bought a nice, big, fully functioning computer. mabye now I won't have to transcribe on the laptops. that would be so very nice.
clay's still sleeping last night off. we got way too drunk watching movies and setting this up. granted i only had three beers and he had 4 or 5 hornsbys, but still. we psuedo old people, it can't be avoided.
i finally had to tell him that my feelings were really hurt about my birthday. i made him feel horrible, but i was starting to act like a serious bitch because of the resentment. and no it was more than just the birthday, it was an appreciation issue. he would have been totally hurt had i done this to him. and further more it's been a grip since he's been romantic or even considerate for that matter. mabye i just need to realize that this is who he is, and he's not the romantic that i hoped he would be. "would be" is probly the operative phrase here, huh?
i love the idiot......
in other news, i'm going to tackle my c-v boots today. that should be totally hard and frustrating. so yeah, totally excited to do it. seriously. oh and i get to practice driving stick today too, mabye. |
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| the same fight again. |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|11:28 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | loud bad techno from the jerk next door. | ] |
clay and i got into the weirdest fight last night. he was profusely apologizing because he thought i was mad because i was doing dishes, dinner was ready and he was still online. i kept telling him that i wasn't mad, which i wasn't, but he just kept on. and that's when i got mad and frustrated. i just don't understand if i'm a horrible girlfriend to him and make him feel like he's constantly being a dick. or if this is a result from niki being a manical whore, and always being mean to him.
i just don't know how to fix this anymore. i've already told him that he doesn't have to apologize constantly and that him apologizing for no reason is more frustrating than most of what he apologozes for.
with that being said, his response in the arugument was that he apologizes when i start doing things that i apparently do when i'm pissed. but how can you equate doing the dishes with being angry? and since when do i have to talk to him in a cutesy voice 24/7? does talking to him like a mature, -ish,fucking adult mean that he fucked up and i hate him for it? no.
but what breaks my heart at the same time is that he always falls back on the "i fucked it all up, because i'm the one that's fucked up....".i love him so much and i hate to see him feel like he has to watch what he says and thinks because he thinks i'm gunna get pissed. i just don't know how to get him to realize that we can let the little things go, it's not that big of deal......poo. |
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| i hate the flu. |
[Mar. 9th, 2007|01:05 pm] |
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i really think i should use today to unpack some more. We've been in the house for nearly a year and it still barely looks like we even live here. the apathetic should never marry eachother. also super bummed cause clay has to close tonight, i hate being by myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|10:43 am] |
| [ | music |
| | the sound of clay losing a lung | ] |
oh my fucking god i have the internet again. |
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| fucking-a.... |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|01:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work. | ] |
So, alot has been happening lately. I cant even remember the last time i updated this thing. but lets see....bought a wedding dress, set a date. have been brawling with the menapausal folk at work, makes for lots of drama and lots of compliments oddly enough. um...dads a fucking lowlife still, mom still hasn't figured out that the divorce didn't send her back fifteen years back in time, austin told me to go home the other day i dropped him off at school. and yes it made me sad, I was dismissed by the baby...which makes him not so much a baby anymore I suppose. Clay and I are good. He got called into work on our anniversarywhich totally pissed me off, but we had four whole days together, so i can't realy complain. But this whole wedding planning bull shit is really starting to freak me out. Not about the "forever" aspect ( i had that whole freak out on the day my dress went into layaway) but the money, and the wait, and the do we have invite this person - type bull shit is not something that i enjoy. I think the fact that we don't have a budget also makes it a little worse. It'll be good though. I think we're gunna go to vegas for our hineymoon (a typo yet somehow vaugely correct in this instance) since I can go and do fun stuff now.
Back to hell i a-go-go.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|04:51 pm] |
I hate traffic. My own personal hell will be me sitting in traffic for eternity while cristina, madison and that fucking bitch that i couldnt stand in economics all talking to me. yes. if people would learn that a blinker doesnt entitle you to a lane change and that you don't need to excessively use your brakes because, get this, you don't have to fucking pound the gas pedal to floor to move 5 feet. *amazement*
i'm off to go and sit in traffic. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|07:34 am] |
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things have been crazy lately. I just can't seem to get on top of anything right now. it's really kinda scary, because we could end up with nothing. And all we've ever wanted was a life together. but other than the money stress, i guess i don't have to much to complain about. it's nice when most things in your life are good. Clay's gunna take that assistant mgr job, which means that we will never see eachother anymore. i'm hoping that i can sweet talk my way with sandy for her to give me M-F. she loves me so it shouldn't be too big of a hassel. I rocked my eval too. it was nice. but i'm too ready the child for school then spend a day with clay. mabye go and spend some money that we dont really have. you know, responsible stuff. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|03:40 pm] |
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also i have yet to hear from rob. which kinda dissapoints me. but i guess i know where i stand now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|03:39 pm] |
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i hate this new lady in the office. she does nothing but watch you and wait for you to do something wrong. and then all of her buds come in and whisper talk behind me. it makes me all paranoid and shit. *anger* plus im pmsing, |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|07:22 am] |
man lj is all fucked up.
so i had the owrst evening ever yesterday. i come home and cant ind my phone anywhere, so im freaking out. cant afford a new one, stress, all that good stuff. so i guess clay thinks that im mad aty him at starts apoligizing profusely for everything. then i tell him im not mad at him , to which he replies for me not to take me being stressed out on him. which totally pisses me off, cause im not even a little yelling at him for anything. then the whole "im not mad, im not yelling, stop being sorry" fight starts again. by the time we get out of the house to come look for my phone i'm so furious that i can't even look at him. so we're driving and someone answers and tells us where to meet them. so when we do meet them they are ghetto to the max and ask us for beer for the phone. but the rejects start their demands after they give us the phone. so we got in the car and got the fuck out of there. it was sketchy as sin. i hate going over to coors/central area. but it wasn't all fucked up which was cool. so on the way home he talks about his mom the whole time, which pisses me off even more cause i still don't really like her anymore. *ughhh* but after being mad for like 4 hours i looked at him and said, "Ok, i'm tired of being mad.I'm good now." he looked at me and just laughed. there's just something about him being so submissive that pisses the hell out of me....fuck that nikki whore for screwing him up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|02:15 pm] |
we finally bought ourselves a garge door opener. the easy project took us like three hours and 2 wounded egos. but it finally works and its so fun.
work is good today i found out some great news that i cant even type here for fear of it being read. but it's good times. my mom totally pissed me off yesterday. shes talking to that fucking jerk whatever his name is again. why she would want to continue a relationship with a "boy" ( this time i mean it in a derrogatory kinda way) who thinks that he can contoll a woman in a mean hateful way is beyond me. But if she ever brings him into that house while the boy is there i will fucking go ballistic. my dad is a horrible enoigh rolemodel, she doesnt need to be bringing 'em home. but its ok, cause robs gunna be here in a few days, and thats gunna be nifty. mabye we'll have him over for dinner and drinks. I have brakes again too. it is great. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|10:36 am] |
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i have to go to a 4-hour training revew session today at noon. then i have to go to it again on wednesday. im super super ceral when i say "fuck that shit." |
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| *iggins* |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | my tum tum needs some yum yum. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | queen of pain - alk3/ hwm split | ] |
so, yesterday started out as the worst day ever known to man. i get in my car, early mind you, to go to work and i notice that it smells kinda moist. i ignore it and start to back out of the driveway. then, about a gallon of water pours out the moonroof cover all down my back, front, my seats and my center console. then i get out, freak out, and look into the back only to find about an inch of water sitting on the floor. yeah. so i called in and changed and dried the fuck out of my car. on the plus side, it's been months sice my cars' been that clean. but still. then the grandparents came over and wanted to buy me groceries, who am i to pass up free groceries? so we went shoopping then out to lunch. it was good times. we talked about korea firing the missles over the weekend, team america, and gross work stories. it was cool for a change. then i went home and hung out with clay while he was on lunch. I saw the craziest movie after he left too. it was about this guy who was a big brother in the 80's and how he wanted to find his troubled little brother. the little brother grew up in horrible foster homes and was raped reapeatidly. and when the movie was following him he was awaiting sentencing on a molestation charge. it was good in the kinda way that makes you sad and angry. then i got the most awsome text ever. it was rob using my lj!!!!! i almost pissed muh self. i was so excited, you know how you get that yellow warm buzz in your gutwhen you're so excited you can't stand it? it was like that. so i hauled ass over to my moms to use her computer and i left him a message to give his number. so when i got his number i called him and we talked for about an hour or so. it was soo good to talk to him. and i'm so happy that he's not all dead somewhere.seriously. it's gunna be funny when i go to hug him and he totally freaks out. missed him like a limb though, he'll just have to get over it. so happy. that hour totally made up for all of the shittyness i've had for the past few days. i am so tired of work today. the time just seems to drag no matter how much work i seem to do. mabye i'll go smoke again.......*nicotine fit a-la animated clerks* |
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| FUCKING SWEET. |
[Jul. 6th, 2006|03:54 pm] |
robert pennington!! where the fuck have you been?!?! ive totally fucking missed you!!! i seriously thought that you died or died. seriously. i would totally post my new number on here.... but... then again it's not like anyone actually reads this...............................no......text me a number where i can call you at or something. you have to come and drink at my shitty house in the ghetto!!! anyways text me your number and shit.
*iggins* |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|01:53 pm] |
zoo night was fun last night. the only thing that sucked was there was a huuuge line to get your caricature done. I felt so bad when i had to tell austin that the artist wasn't going to be able to draw him as super man. he looked so freakin' pitiful with his head drooped all low and his eyes all sad. but other than that it was nifty. it wasn't hot for once, and there wasn't 9000 people. clay had fun too. ashley's birthday is tomorrow, i can't believe that she's turning 18. it freaks me out, she's my little sis. i think it's like how my mom feels when it's my birthday, but not to her extreme. i'm less worried about mom know that she's seeing a therapist. she seems to be a little bit more together and not so crazy. *laugh* horrible, but true. i'm so dead. i totally shouldn't have stayed up to watch the tuf finale. i want to go home, i want to eat birthday bbq and cake, and most of all i just want to lay in bed with clay, watch the cat try and eat our feet, and just be warm and cold and loved all at the same time......*puke* mushy.
no more work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|01:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | argh. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | holy sh*t! - against me | ] |
so stressed tight now. the brakes on my car are going, the brakes on the explorer are going, clays clutch is still broken, and we're late on the house. it's shit storm 2006. i dunno. i just want things to be easy again. HA! i know that we can do this. lord help me. |
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| bah. |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|12:30 pm] |
today is going so freakin slooow. it's only 1230 and i'm soo ready to go home. yeah. bored. slow. bored. poor. mabye i'll see if anyone nifty works here.... |
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| part of my musical soul has died today. |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|12:51 pm] |
so after eagerly awaiting the arrival of 6.6.06 for the glorious new release of for afi...i am rather dissapointed. like, very dissapointed. i miss the old shit. this cd sounds all hardcore screamo like, but at the same time very electronic. *sigh* it's like having part of your soul removed. but other than that more of the same. not enough money, not enough time, not enough soul. i dunno, im gunna go listen more and then decide if i'm one of those "older" people that you see at punk shows just shaking their heads at the current state of their beloved music. yeah. |
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| my man-boy is a man. |
[May. 28th, 2006|10:55 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | i want to buy clothes sooo bad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rise against | ] |
so last night clay and i had to run back to the store because we bought the kind of charcoal that needed lighter fluid, which we didnt have. but on the way down there he turns to me and asks me if I could move anywhere where would i go. This kinda freaked me out for a minute because I totally don't want to move away from mom, ash, or austin; but I also realized that we don't have to go right this second. but he sounded so...adult, that it was scary. he started talking about how he may want to go into the management program and how work will pay for us to move and buy our house from us. but when he started to talk about how he wants to provide for me and us, I almost blacked out. It's still kinda weird to me that he cares so much. I know that its almost been 2 and a half years, but i still can't get over the fact that he loves me. but yeah, so in a few years we may move to the east...or north west, or south east. I dunno. we have alot of testing to do. |
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